How did we get here!?

I am sure that I will offend someone, make them mad, get a few eye rolls or even get a few nasty comments. BUT I really do not care! As most of you know Josh and I have been tryig to have a baby for 2 yrs now. It has been the most difficult journey that I have ever endured! When we first started trying we were so hopeful and ready to take on parenthood. We had names picked out already and started picking around on what traits of us we hoped it did and did not have from us. I even had a "pre-conception" check up with my OBGYN, bought the most expensive ovulation monitor on the market, made sure my maternity insurance was in affect, and tried to eat as healthy as I could. Months rocked on and NOTHING! We were getting so frustrated and did not understand at all! After about 11 months of trying, reading, researching I finally asked Josh if he would go get tested. He did and we found out the problem was probably going to be him :/. I was crushed and I can only imagine how he felt. If it was going to be anything I wanted it to be me so that he didn't have to feel any type of pain or guilt. A month after his analysis I was 2 weeks late for my cycle. I knew in my mind that I was pregnant and I could not believe it. My cycles are like clock work and I have never been late in my life! I had a lot of the early pregnancy symptoms but I could not get a positive test and even my blood test was negative. The Dr. wanted to put me on medication to make me start and I refused. I was a little disappointed in him for suggesting that. On December 25, 2010 I believed I started the "natural" miscarriage process. I have never had a period like that in my life and it went on for well over a week. I was so bummed and didn't really tell anyone b/c I didn't figure they would believe me... since I did not go to the Dr and I didn't want anyone to "feel sorry" for me. But my heart and my body told me what was really happening. In April 2011 I decided to go back and talk with the Dr. He suggsted we start doing a procedure called an IUI (intraunterine insemination). We tossed the idea back and forth. It was tough hearing someone say that you cannot conceive naturally. We waited a few months and in July 2011 we decided to get our first IUI. It was the most physically painful experience I have ever had! They give you no pain meds and no warning! I consider myself to have a pretty high tolerence for pain, but that day that was doubted. I actually had to go by myself bc at teh same time I was having thi done Josh was turning in his 2 week notice at Howards. I was so hoping that it would work because I didnt know if I would be able to do another knowing how bad it hurt. Well, obviously it did not work. Again, we were crushed but we had something good going on at teh same time, Josh was starting his new job! We knew that with him starting this new job we would miss a cycle or two and couldn't get the IUI done. I was ok with that b/c i was so excited about his new job. I knew he was going to be so much lessed stressed and this made me so happy! September, October and November came and went. For those 3 month we were unable to have an IUI due to the Dr. not having any openings. I was so upset and angry that I could not get "squeezed" in for my procedure. I know that as an OBGYN their main concern in doing annuals, providing check-ups for pregnant women and delivering babies. I get that!... but it still didn't make me feel any better. I told Josh that if we wanted help and guidence with this we would have to get out of Jones County. No offense to any Drs around here! So we decided to go to see Dr. John Isaacs in Jackson. Our first visit with him gave us much hope. He devised a plan that included getting blood work for me. What!? I have never had my Dr. request blood work. Surely I am fine. Well I was wrong! My progesterone level came back almost less than half of what it should be! Mine was 6.72 and they like for it to be around 12. I immediately knew I definetly hada miscarriage back in '10. A pregnant woman MUST have a certain level of progesterone in order for the baby to live and grow. Dr. Isaacs called me in Clomid (50mg) and told me to start it on my next cycle and go in on day 21 to have my levels checked again. I did and it came back at 21! I was so excited and just knew we were on track. Well another month came and went and NOTHING! One week before Christmas I had a HSG test for tubal infertility. Basically they shoot a dye into your tubes and watch it on a screen to see if your tubes are blocked. Mine were clear as glass! So we got to rule that out. We decided to wait till after Christmas to do an IUI with Dr. Isaacs. So late January we went in for our first IUI in Jackson. This experience was a cake walk compared to when the other Dr. did it. AND we found out great news in the process.... Joshs levels were well beyond average. I was so pleased and a huge burden was lifted off of him. BUT, the procedure wasn't a success either. I was so upset that I had Josh call the Dr.office to let them know that it didn't work and to find out what else we could do. In March we took them up on the other options. I had to take off 2 days of work. The first day I had an ultra sound to check to see if I had any follicles. I had one, which is all you need. Since the follicle was of good size and looked to be normal they gave me an HCG trigger shot. This shot would make the egg release and the IUI for the next day could be timed. I went the next day and had the IUI. This again did not work! I called Jackson to let them know that it did not work and that we would not be back for a while. I was not at all upset with the Dr. or his wonderful staff I was just emotionally drained. The nurse told me that we were just dealing with what they called "unexplained infertility". My jaw hit the floor. I had never heard that term before and it sounded so vague yet so harsh! Who has unexplained infertility!!! I asked what that meant and she said they use that term when a couple has completely normal everything but just cannot conceive. I knew then this was completely out of our hands. Josh told me as he was consoling me that it was not unexplained infertility it was God's timing. So, that was the story of us to date. I felt like I had to tell the entire thing in order for anyone to understand my next wave of emotions. Sometimes God's timing is something that we do not understand. It is actually something that I cannot wrap my head around. How can a couple who has planned for a baby, have great jobs, have a great marriage and a love for children that is through the roof not get pregnant!!?? How can people who are not married, do drugs/alcohol, have a horrible marriage, and the list could go on and on have a baby? Why is it in God's plan for them to have a baby? These are things that I deal with all of the time. Now, I do not in any way get mad or upset at married couples that seem to be in a good marriages. I believe they definetly deserve it! They deserve to start a family. I just cannot get over the other. Josh and I have gotten really involved with church and it has helped me tremendously! It helps me understand things and know that God does not hurt us. His plan may make us pout and throw a fit, because we are so use to instant gratification, but it is the best plan. Through this horrific journey Josh has gotten saved and we are more devoted to God than we have ever been before. Do I still have bad days?.... Yes mam! I still cry and question but I also find great comfort in knowing that He has a plan for us. This is something that Josh and I cannot buy. We cannot buy a baby of our own. IVF is not even a guarantee for anyone. We have been asked about the option of adopting. We are up for it but would still like to have a lil adhd Josh running around. I honestly, cannot believe that I even wrote this for everyone to see. I am pretty private with this kind of stuff. But I have discovered the more people you talk to about it the more you learn that you are not alone. I don't really like telling people about this because I don't want them to think that I am jsut having a pitty party or wanting sympathy. That is the furtherest from the truth. See, I believe that couples who are extensively trying for a baby get the shaft. You see and hear pregnant women all of the time complaining of being pregnant. Honestly, it makes me want to slap the crap out of them. Why in the world would you complain??!! But the ladies who are having to do painful procedures, taking hormones that make you feel like a complete psycho and not in control of your own body, and have a let down every month of their "trying" life usually dont ever complain. We roll with the punches and would do anything to get pregnant. Our facebook status' usually don't consist of complaints or graphic details of things. I believe my most insult to date would have to be when someone told me that since "I" couldn't get pregnant I could just let them borrow my husband for a while and she would be able to get me a baby. REALLY??!! Do people actually look at a woman that is unable to get pregnant as weak?? I felt like, after that comment, I was less of a woman and that was how people looked at me. It has really been hard to get over that. I am usually pretty quick to get over stuff, but that was a tough one. In saying all of this bad stuff I would not want to conquer this journey with anyone but Josh. He is the most amazing, affectionate, comforting person ever! He is my rock and has wiped many many tear from my face. I have soaked his chest with tears and snot so many times, but he has never not once told me to suck it up and get over it. He has just let me vent and cry. He gets just as disappointed and upset as I do but he stays strong for me. I know that he is going to be the best dad ever!! He has so many crazy stories and experiences to not have a lil runt to tell them to. I know that God put me on this earth to be a mother and he will bless me with a child. We just have to stay focused and listen to him every step of the way. He has something to tell us and something to show us we just have to wait and see what it is. The fact that Josh shared his decision a few weeks ago showed me that without the trials we have been through Josh may not have made tht decision. It was so insane that after Josh broke down and asked God to save him back in October his levels went beyone normal. If you have ever read about male infertility you will know that stuff like that just does not happen. But God made it happen... i know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. And I know that he will make this happen. I am sure this blog made me look like an unstable psycho but it was just what I have been dealing with and it has been alot. Infertility will absolutely consume your life. If you are placed on meds/hormones it will make it worse. While I was on the meds I literally could not function properly. I could not remember everything and was the complete opposite of being organized. If I am not organized I do not function!!! I am slowly getting back on track with everything and trying to fix what I let dangle off to the side for so long. If I have offended anyone I apologize that it offended you. It is just how I feel. And if I can help someone with this post then I have done something. There are plenty of women out there that I personally know going through this very thing and I pray for you everyday!

Amber A-Z

Age: 28.... climbing on up!

Bedsize: Queen but def want a king

Chores that you hate: Dusting

Dogs: tooo many!!

Essential start to your day: Today Show

Favorite color: Pink

Gold or Silver: Silver

Height: 5'7"

Instruments you play: None

Job title: Office Mgr

Kids: nurn

Live: Ellisville

Mother’s Maiden Name: Sumrall.... dont hold it against me!

Nicknames: Ambee or Ambo (yes my dad loved rambo!)

Overnight hospital stays: maybe 1 when i was little

Pet peeves: Idiots & Loud Ppl

Quote from a movie or tv show:

Right or Lefty: Righty

Siblings: 1 brother

Time you wake up: 7:00

Underwear: Depends on my mood

Vegetable you hate: Beets

What makes you run late: sleep

X-Rays You’ve Had: my mouth

Yummy food you make: everything! lol .... i make some pretty good dumplings

Zoo Animal: tigers

A New Venture!!

I am always looking for things to do on the side. Not necessarily to make money, but just because I enjoy it and it gives me something to do. Sooooo my latest venture is selling ladies clothes on the side.  I also have a few precious things for kiddos as well.  I am listed as a page on Facebook. It's called "Dress 4 Less".  I cannot stand to go into a boutique clothing store and spend $70-$80 on ONE thing!  I guess it's just the LaDonna in me.  So, I have started buying clothes in bulk and selling them as cheap as I possibly can.  If anyone is interested that doesn't have a facebook page you can reach me at my email, ambernbrooks@yahoo.com.  Here are some of the pieces and prices:

Cardigan - $25.00

Brown Button Down Coat - $31.00

Dress w/belt - $27.25

Woven Tunic - $26.75

Chiffon Blouse - $24.75

Knit Dress - $35.50

Mustard Coat - $26.75

Mustard Tunic - $23.00

One Shoulder Ivory Top - $23.75

Sweater - $29.50

Chiffon Dress - $29.00

Ghost Tutu Set - $45.00

Gingerbread Dress

The Most Magical Place On Earth!

This past weekend I flew out, by MYSELF!, to Anaheim, CA to see Josh for a few days.  He has had to stay out there for 2 weeks due to his new job.  He will be home this weekend, WOO HOO!.  We decided to make the most out of my trip out there so we had a jammed packed weekend.  I am a complete Disney freak! I love everything about it.  That Friday night we went to Downtown Disney, walked around and ate at the Rainforest Cafe.  That saturday we got up super early and was at the Park when it opened.  We rode all of the rides that we wanted and our longest wait was only about 15 minutes. After the rides, the food and many footsteps later I finally got to see Mickey! We got our pic made with him and picked up a frozen lemonade and left for a much needed nap.  Afterwards, we headed back to the park and watched the characters parade.  We had made dinner reservations at the Blue Bayou Restaurant.  It was a very neat place to eat. It was actually located inside the Pirates of the Carribean ride.  It was set up like you were eating at a New Orleans bistro at night.  We both ordered the Surf n Turf and had NO complaints.  We got finished and of course took the time to sit down and people watch.  I love to people watch, especially in theme parks.  I love to see what they have chosen to wear. You see women with dresses, wedges heels and hair that is pageant ready.  It blows my mind!  THEN the big show started! I was so excited to see the fireworks show, but I had NO idea what I was fixing to watch. They put on a show called Fantasmic over the water.  It is absolutely amazing! It puts the fireworks show to shame. However, I definitely enjoyed watching the fireworks afterwards.  I am such a kid, I teared up watching them.  It is just such a magical place and to watch those little kids actually thinking that every bit of it is real and believing that it is all done with magic makes me giddy.  And embarrassingly when I look and meet with the characters it never crosses my mind that there is actually a human in that costume. Here are lots of pics from my trip!

I loved the Mickey cookie

This was at Big Thunder Ranch BBQ. It was all you could eat and it was delish!

It was very dark in Blue Bayou but the food and the experience was awesome

a waterfall in the Pirates of the Carribean

The Haunted Mansion

Splash Mountain

The worse ride ever! You literally had to paddle your way through the ride.

My favorite!

Minnie's House

Almost there

AHH FINALLY! I waited in line for a while but it was worth it.

The man with a mighty good plan.... and his side kick

The orginal Cinderellas Castle

Now, if everyone would live by this we would all be a lot happier

So I told you about the awsome fantasmic show.... I have uploaded a video on here. It is during that show.  A little girl was on her daddy's shoulders and when Mickey defeated the evil villan that baby cheered and clapped.  She was so excited that Mickey had saved the day..... PRICELESS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_4Ubb016Nc

This was the end of the show.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzYmpoCFQ7A



Thankful for Answered Prayers

As most of you know Josh had a job with Howard Technology that demanded he be on the road for at least 2-4 nights out of EVERY week.  I have definitely adapted to the "single, but married" lifestyle.  By saying that I mean that I have adapted to keeping up with the house, the dogs, the bills, the unexpected things by myself.  I do not in anyway get angry with Josh for not being there with those things happen, I just get angry that those things always happens when he is gone.  He is my rock and my best friend and I hate not having him at home.  The stress of his job, on a scale of 1 to 10, was a 100.  He worked like a mad man to keep the wheels greased.  I have so much respect for him and his work ethic.  He will work to 2 or 3 in the morning on a job just so it will be nicely up and running the next morning for a client.  I could go on and on about the job but in a nutshell he had to make a move b/c a 28 year old does not need high blood pressure, anxiety through the roof and an upset stomach all of the time.  He is not one to complain he just sucks it up and does it b/c it provides well for our family.  
The opportunity of a life time come available and brought to his attention.  When he told me about I did not for one second have any hesitation.  Now you have to know this is not my character. I am not one for change, definitely not one that could possibly mess with our income.  But knowing and seeing just how stressed he was I could have cared less.  So he put together his exceptional resume and applied for the job.  He was immediately set up for an interview and a couple of days later he was made an offer that he could not refuse.  He will be working for a company out of Anaheim, California.  He will have a home office and be gone away from home for only about 8-10 nights a MONTH.  I am so proud of him.  I am so thankful to God for blessing us and for answering our prayers. 
The new job started this past Monday.  He will be gone for 2 weeks for training in California.  I am flying out this weekend to see him and go to Disney Land. I am so nervous about going through the airport motions alone!  I will definitely have pics for that trip. 

Rollin on the River

This past weekend was my absolute favorite way to spend a weekend... on the the River!  A couple of years ago I got a jet ski.  I have wanted one ever since I was in high school.  We spent so many weekends at a friend of ours (Brittney & Micahs) family camp.  It was so much fun riding skis and taking their boat out to Horne Island.  Josh and I got to see a side of the Coast that we really didn't know existed.  However, summers came and summers went, the Welborns had a bay bay and Micah started school in New Orleans and life became so busy so our weekends at the camp came to a hault.  I think we went maybe one time last summer. 
So back to this weekend..... The Brooks' & The Blackledges decided to go riding. And I am very glad that we did.  We actually found a great place to stay.  It was at Indian Pointe in Gautier.  They rent cabins, have a cafe, 2 pools, putt putt golf, boat launch and nice views.  I had a lot of anxiety about Ella getting on a jet ski on that big river but she was a TROOPER!.  Ada and Ella both rode like they were pros. I forgot my camera! Everyone right that down! I just couldnt believe it! But oh well.  We def had a great time and I cannot wait to go again.

Life in the Fast Lane!

Again, it has been forever since ive posted about this super fast paced life of mine.  Whew! Alot has happened since the beach.  I have also come to the realization that I am no longer a summer person.... I LOVE the Fall time!  It has been so hot around here that I do not even want to go outside. And if you know me then you know this is so not Amber.  We have not even had a chance to put the jet ski in the water.  Maybe we will have a free weekend before the summer ends.  So here is to catching up on everything:

1. Ada turned 5!!! My gah where has the time gone?!

What a lil doll! She wanted Twinkle Toe Shoes... so of course thats what I got her :)

2. Memorial Day

I love this picture!

Lexi and wild thang Anabelle

Sweet Bentley

3.  Fighting Cancer with Brenda Benefit

This benefit was a huge success! Not only for the money part but that she got to see how many people really do care for her and are willing to do whatever they can to help her.

Sweet sweet Nikki!

4.  Lexi and Logan turn 13!! I
I dont have any  pics b/c I had a memory card full of pics that I had not loaded onto the computer.  I asked their Mama to get me some but she has forgotten... I willl have to get her lol jk.  On the other hand I really cannot believe they are teenagers and that they will be in the 8th grade this year. 

5.  July 4th!
We really didnt have any all out plans made in advance for the 4th so everyone kind of laid low that day.  We went over to the Blackledges later that day.. Of course it was great and full of laughing. 

I mean I could just eat her up!

Well that's all for now folks!