- About 3 days after getting Jada I was on my way to church and I suddenly slammed on brakes.... I had to look down my shirt to make sure I put a bra on. Due to complete exhaustion it would not have surprised me one bit if when I had looked that I would have been "bare".
- I have actually took my thumb and index finger and pinched a wod of snot from your lip. My gah!!!.... I feel like I have an outer body experience when I do it. And I have no idea what to do with it once I pinch it. I just panic and start flinging. Admit mamas.... you have done this when bib, rag, tissue or wipe has not been present.
- Josh and I were waiting for a table at a restaurant... I just kept getting a woof of this stank! We finished our dinner and went to the big ol Wal Mart... there I realized what the stank was.... THROW UP! It was all down the back of my arm. Thanks babe...thanks for looking out for me.
- Gagging reflexes have went into full swing. I am not big on smells. Right after getting her and for at least 2-3 more months she would drop these chili bombs! I mean fill a diaper full of it. Looked like a complete explosion went off. And rank!!!... geeze it was rough.
- Checking diapers.... this is tricky! One must always be prepared for the worst. I feel like I need to put on gloves and a mask to check the diaper if I get a whiff of funk when she walks by. I have went to check a diaper and come out with a completely different colored finger. Gag a maggot!! That is another one of those times where I just cant get it off fast enough. I feel like Ace Ventura when he runs out of the bat cave in "When Nature Calls".
- I have picked up many of dog poop in my day... but she laid us a little loaf on the floor one day. Just a pile of human feces on my floor. She was pretty proud of herself.
- Jada does not sleep with us unless she is sick. She prefers her bed. She should have a black belt in kung fu. I have been peed on, karate chopped, kicked, head butted, slapped and punched. It is like she becomes possessed by Laila Ali when she enters my bed.
- I can turn nocturnal.... when she is sick I do not sleep!! Mostly for the reasons I just listed but I cant sleep when she coughs so much she chokes. I have laid awake many nights just waiting to pat her on the back to help her get that mess out of her chest.
- I have went to go in to give her a kiss..... and a big ol sneeze happens which results in snot on my mouth!!! Yuck!
- Our going out to eat has decreased to almost non-existent. It is just not worth the hassle. Again, something takes over her body and she is like "oh, you want to have a nice calm dinner?...not gonna happen folks". Her behaviour makes me want to order the stiffest drink they can make. I have this intense feeling to light a fire in the waiters tail and make him/her move just a bit faster. The faster you get my food the more your tip is going to be.... I PROMISE!
- I find that our television stays on some type of Disney channel majority of the time. I have actually caught myself sitting down and watching it when she isn't even around. Felt like a complete psycho.
- Right after we got her I lost a lil weight. I was so exhausted.... I only had 3 days off from work and I was allowed to work till 2:30 for 2 weeks. Soooo I was a bit of an emotional basket case. One night my sis in law so kindly brought over food for me (josh was out of town).... as she was entertaining Jada I literally snuck into a corner and ate that bowl of jambalaya like a Holocaust refugee. I was starving!! But I was always so tired to cook a big meal for us so I would just make sure Jada had dinner and I would do without. I would rather sleep. So folks if someone you know has just had a baby.... go cook them a meal, fold their clothes, maybe give them a B12 injection, wash their dishes, etc. It makes a huge difference and allows the parentals to rest... or in my case EAT.
To all you moms out there.... I salute you!
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